"Premature ejaculation [PE] is the most common male sexual disorder." - Pastore et al. (2014)
I've struggled with orgasming very quickly between 19 and 24. I've felt inadequate back then. I was ashamed and didn't tell anyone. At the time, Kegels were the thing to do - according to the internet. A Reddit user pointed out his frustration about not knowing exactly what to do in regards to Kegel exercises.
So here I am screwing the lightbulb in.
What are Kegels and Reverse Kegels
Generally, Kegel exercises are when you clench your pelvic muscles. During a Kegel, you are contracting the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle which is connected between the bottom of your spine and your pubic bone. A Reverse Kegel is doing the opposite. In other words, you are deliberately relaxing said muscle, think bowel movement. For more specific descriptions I recommend you to read my full guide on Mastering Sexual Stamina.
In this excellent video Michelle Kenway (Pelvic Floor Therapist) explains Kegels:
In this one, Michelle explains Reverse Kegels:
It's okay if you are asking yourself whether you are clenching the correct muscles. In the beginning you won't be able to isolate the PC muscle and it takes months of regular pelvic floor muscle exercises to do so.
How do Kegels and Reverse Kegels help with overcoming PE
The pelvic floor area and more specifically the PC muscle is is like a gas pedal. However, instead of managing at which rate our car accelerates, we are managing the rate at which our arousal grows. Contracting the PC muscle is stepping on the gas. Relaxing the PC muscle is taking your foot off the gas. Simple.
Many guys who are struggling with PE have an overly tight pelvic floor area. In other words, they are always stepping on the gas, even if they don't mean to.
Do you have a tight pelvic floor?
If you are unsure how to answer this question, you can do this simple self-assessment:
- Get yourself hard.
- Seize all stimulation for a few seconds.
- Touch your dick (while erect) with your hand as if you were masturbating
- Observe: Does your penis make sort of a "jump" as you first touch it? That's an indication of a very tight pelvic floor. Can you fully relax your pelvic floor as you are stimulating yourself? If the answer is yes, then you most likely don't have an overly tight pelvic floor. If the answer is no, then your pelvic floor might be too tight.
As you observe your pelvic floor area more during masturbation and sex, you will realize that the stronger the stimuli, the more difficult it is to relax your pelvic floor. In other words, it's possible that you can relax your pelvic floor while jerking off, but still can't relax it while you are inside a vagina. A tight pelvic floor is normal no reason for worry.
Disclaimer: This is, of course, a simple exercise and doesn't substitute a proper diagnosis by a medical professional.
Pelvic floor exercises are effective
Please note that Kegels don't work for everyone. Sometimes a tight pelvic floor is not the reason or not the sole reason for your PE. However, Pastore et al. (2014) found that "pelvic floor rehabilitation" does significantly increase Intravaginal ejaculation latency time (IELT) in the majority of PE candidates.
Here is a picture of the results of their subject group:
Note: This study did use a wide range of measures to rehabilitate the pelvic floor muscles and not just Kegels and Reverse Kegels
How do (Reverse) Kegel exercises help with lasting longer in bed?
Being able to manage one's orgasm is a complex skill but at the core, it's about deliberately relaxing your pelvic floor while having sex. You want to be able to take your foot off the gas pedal. To learn this you need to
- A) Resolve the general tightness of your pelvic floor (that's what Reverse Kegels are for)
- B) Learn how to deliberately control the tension in your pelvic floor (that's what Kegels are mostly for)
So with a combination of both exercises, you enable yourself to relax your PC muscle while you are getting stimulated. Reverse Kegels generally relax the pelvic floor area and Kegels provide you with the necessary motor control. Against common belief, you most likely don't need to strengthen your PC muscle. Men typically already have a strong pelvic floor as they unknowingly clench it during masturbation. With that, you do Kegels not to build your PC muscle but to learn how to control it isolated from other muscles around it.
Start your training today!
If want to experience the freedom of having sex without worrying about when you orgasm, then I want to encourage you to get started with Kegels and Reverse Kegels. For me, these exercises were absolutely vital for my success. This 7-day training plan will guide you through your first week:
Feel free to compliment this workout with simple stretching exercises like the extended child pose stretch. Slowly increase the amount of Kegels and Reverse Kegels you do. Michelle Kenway recommends that you don't do more than 8-12 sets of 10 second holds for three times a day for each exercise. In any way, listen to your body and if you feel pain or soreness you need to take rest. Also, nothing beats consistency. Don't expect changes overnight. Give it at least 3-6 months. Remember, if one man can do it, so can another.
Pastore, A. L., Palleschi, G., Fuschi, A., Maggioni, C., Rago, R., Zucchi, A. & Carbone, A. (2014). Pelvic floor muscle rehabilitation for patients with lifelong premature ejaculation: a novel therapeutic approach. Therapeutic advances in urology, 6(3), 83-88.